It was a stimulating session at Securities Commission today (Thursday, 19th November 2009). I was there in conjunction with their book fair. The audience was responsive and I was especially pleased because a number of them were fathers. In past programs, the fathers were easily outnumbered!
A father said he had trouble connecting with his pre-adolescent son who seemed to keep everything to himself. Once, he came to know that the boy hurt himself, possibly because of stress. I pointed out that it’s very important he spends time with his son, without the company of others (siblings, mother). Make it special, say, a restaurant or a place the boy likes. Do it regularly. It’s amazing how fast bonding can take place when a parent does this with a child. Why without other family members? Because the presence of others would take the focus away from him. Make it relaxing without pressure for him to say or do anything. Let him just be.
Lots of things can spark stress overload in a child. Inability to cope with school work, not fitting in among peers, puberty, being bullied - these are just some possible causes. When you think that your child is experiencing stress overload, do provide emotional support. Be there. Self-mutilation is just one sign of stress. Others include stomachaches, headaches, irritability and getting ill once too often for no apparent reason at all.
If the child is ready to talk, listen well. Don’t be judgmental. Sometimes, all he needs may be a listening ear. Show him that there are other ways to express his frustration. He can talk things out with you. He can doodle in a unique scrapbook you get for him. He can scribble in a journal. But in a gentle, subtle way, tell him that hurting himself will never solve the problem. Most importantly, you need to win his trust that no matter what, you are there for him.
My publisher, True Wealth Sdn Bhd, is organising an Open Day this weekend (Friday, 13th November through Sunday, 15th November). Do come over for talks by authors … and you can grab the special discounts (as much as 70%) to be given for selected books. For details, please visit http://www.millionairesplanet.com/twday.asp
Friday morning 6th November 2009 saw me at the Public Services Department (JPA), Putrajaya. I was given a warm welcome, the crowd was receptive and gamely took part in the ‘role play’ session. Just before I went up on stage, the organisers (Biro Pembangunan Keluarga JPA) spiced up the program by showing two video clips — one from ‘Anakku Sazali’ and another from ‘Si Tanggang’. (Both were movies that portrayed what could happen when kids don’t turn out right.) What a great start! And to my surprise, at the end of it all, I was presented with a photo album … with my pictures taken throughout the session slotted in. As usual, my books were sold at discounted prices and feedback forms were distributed and collected. Special thanks to Datin Amy Lim (Head of Biro Pembangunan Keluarga JPA) and her husband, Dato’ Yeow Chin Keong (Director of Post Service Department, JPA) for making the event possible.
I was in Singapore on 31st October 2009 to run two programmes. One at Kg Siglap Mosque (in the morning) and another at MPH Raffles City (in the afternoon). Although Singapore is just next to Malaysia and we share many similar concerns, I could tell that the issues are not exactly the same. The pressure for students to excel in academics is greater in Singapore and the government provides incentives for students to achieve their best. Allocations are made to allow deserving students to have overseas trips. Ahmad Fakhri came along and had his say during the event at Kg Siglap and the organisers found this interesting indeed. It’s the first time they ever had a husband and wife team handling a workshop together. As much as possible, I try to rope in Ahmad Fakhri because fathers, I believe, play a unique role in child rearing.
