Cool Mum Super Dad

It was a stimulating session at Securities Commission today (Thursday, 19th November 2009). I was there in conjunction with their book fair. The audience was responsive and I was especially pleased because a number of   them were fathers. In past programs, the fathers were easily outnumbered!

A father said he had trouble connecting with his pre-adolescent son who seemed to keep everything to himself. Once, he came to know that the boy hurt himself, possibly because of stress. I pointed out that it’s very important he spends time with his son, without the company of others (siblings, mother). Make it special, say, a restaurant or a place the boy likes.  Do it regularly. It’s amazing how fast bonding can take place when a parent does this with a child. Why without other family members? Because the presence of others would take the focus away from him. Make it relaxing without pressure for him to say or do anything. Let him just be.

Lots of things can spark stress overload in a child. Inability to cope with school work, not fitting in among peers, puberty, being bullied - these are just some possible causes. When you think that your child is experiencing stress overload, do provide emotional support.  Be there. Self-mutilation is just one sign of stress. Others include stomachaches, headaches, irritability and getting ill once too often for no apparent reason at all.

If the child is ready to talk, listen well. Don’t be judgmental. Sometimes, all he needs may be a listening ear. Show him that there are other ways to express his frustration. He can talk things out with you. He can doodle in a unique scrapbook you get for him. He can scribble in a journal. But in a gentle, subtle way, tell him that hurting himself will never solve the problem.  Most importantly, you need to win his trust that no matter what, you are there for him.