Aisyah hugged her six-year-old son, Adam, tightly as they stood by the window, watching Hafiz, her husband, leave for Singapore once again. Hafiz worked as an engineer across the border, returning home only on weekends. Every Sunday evening, without fail, Adam would ask, “When is abah coming home again?” That question never got easier. It always left a lump in Aisyah’s throat.
One night, when Adam was burning with fever, Hafiz could only monitor the situation through his phone. He watched helplessly during the video call as his little boy lay weak and flushed. “If I were there, I’d stroke Adam’s forehead until he fell asleep,” he told Aisyah, his face clouded with worry. That night marked a turning point. Hafiz began searching for ways to stay close to his family, even from a distance.
A Growing Reality in Malaysia
This family’s story is far from unique. Across Malaysia, more parents are living apart from their families during the workweek, driven by economic realities and career demands. The phenomenon of “commuter parenting” is especially common among families where one parent works in major cities like Kuala Lumpur or Singapore, while the other remains in their hometown.
Some parents are stationed at remote project sites such as oil rigs, construction zones, offshore platforms, where living on-site is the only option. These arrangements often bring better pay but at the cost of daily presence in family life.
Why do parents choose this path? The reasons vary from family to family: Better-paying jobs are often only available in urban centers or abroad. Staying in the hometown keeps living costs lower and offers a more familiar environment for children. Many parents hope to provide their children with better educational opportunities through financial stability. Some simply can’t find sustainable work locally. Some even move hundreds of miles away in pursuit of higher education.
The Impact on Children and Families
Being a commuter parent can have both positive and challenging effects on children’s development and family life.
On the positive side, children may develop independence at an earlier age. With one parent away, the parent at home often takes on more responsibilities, leaving less time for direct attention to the children. If children understand the reason behind the absence, they might rise to the occasion, becoming more responsible. These children tend to appreciate the efforts of the parent who stays and recognize the sacrifices made by the one working far from home. Over time, they might grow up with a deeper appreciation for hard work, resilience, and the value of family commitment.
However, the downsides are real. Children may acutely feel the absence of a parent, especially during emotional moments or significant milestones. The parent who remains at home often carries the full burden of caregiving and discipline, which can lead to stress and, at times, inconsistent parenting if not carefully managed. Emotional needs, particularly the longing for closeness and affection, can quietly build up in children if not thoughtfully addressed. Over time, if the absent parent is away for extended periods, the remaining parent may struggle to maintain authority and discipline as the children grow older.
Bridging the Distance: Strategies That Work
Despite the physical gap, commuter parents can stay closely connected with their children by being intentional and consistent. Here are a few meaningful ways:
Make communication count. Regular video calls, voice messages, and photo updates help children feel seen and remembered. A quick bedtime call, even for five minutes, can mean the world. Most importantly, go beyond reminders about homework. Talk about feelings, dreams, or funny daily events.
Create shared rituals. Recite a bedtime prayer together or read a short story via video call. Send occasional handwritten notes or small surprise gifts. These little gestures create emotional anchors for children.
Strengthen the co-parenting team. Even from afar, both parents must coordinate on values, discipline, and decisions. Consistency is key to helping children feel secure. The emotional support between spouses also helps sustain the family dynamic.
Use technology wisely. Calendar apps help track school events and milestones. Social media family groups can be spaces to celebrate achievements or share daily snapshots. Online tools can make distance feel less distant.
Back to Hafiz and Adam
A year later, Hafiz had transformed the way he connected with Adam. Every night, father and son played “riddle games” over video call, a ritual Adam looked forward to. On Adam’s bedroom wall hung a handmade countdown board, marking the days until Daddy’s next visit. It helped the little boy learn the meaning of time, patience, and anticipation.
Hafiz also sent Adam a scrapbook, one page for each month, filled with photos, drawings, and motivational messages. Whenever Adam missed his father, he would flip through it like a warm hug in paper form. Though Hafiz still worked far away, their bond had deepened, not weakened.
When Hafiz returned for a long break, Adam hugged him tightly and said, “Abah, I know you work far away because you love me.” Those simple words melted a bit of the fatigue Hafiz carried, reminding him why the sacrifices were worth it.
Being a commuter parent isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to mean growing apart. Distance can be challenging, especially when it separates a parent from bedtime stories, school performances, and simple daily routines. Yet, many families prove that love isn’t limited by geography. With intentional effort, heartfelt communication, and a bit of creativity, bonds can grow even stronger across the miles.
What truly matters is the consistency of connection, those small, meaningful gestures that remind children they are loved, supported, and never forgotten. Whether it’s a video call before bed, a handwritten note slipped into a schoolbag, or a shared tradition over the phone, these moments anchor the family emotionally, even when physically apart. It’s not the distance that defines a family’s strength, but the love, commitment, and trust that live in their hearts.
Featured photo courtesy of Kampus Production